Daily Laugh

Title: Daily Laugh
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Rank：Ruby
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Date Posted：08/07/2012 10:53 PMCopy HTML

Keeping in touch

Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell phone as a gift, I’ve asked him to use it to call home if he’s out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up for him, I dozed off in front of the TV. Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and there had been no call.

Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I demanded, “Where are you, and why haven’t you bothered to call?”

“Dad,” he sleepily replied, “I’m upstairs in bed. I’ve been home for an hour.”

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Re：Daily Laugh

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Rank：Ruby
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Date Posted：04/25/2013 6:03 PMCopy HTML

Stud Rooster....

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farm house and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Darn.....third gay rooster I bought this month."?

Moral of this story?!?
Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, and treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!

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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：04/26/2013 4:23 AMCopy HTML

Rank：Ruby
Score：68310
From：USA
Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM

Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/02/2013 10:33 PMCopy HTML

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
WITNESS: July 18th. 
ATTORNEY: What year? 
WITNESS: Every year. 
_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 

Rank：Ruby
Score：68310
From：USA
Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM

Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/02/2013 10:35 PMCopy HTML

Blonde Men Go to the Lumberyard

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/03/2013 1:49 AMCopy HTML

LOL

I wonder if they bought any bricks.ha

Rank：Ruby
Score：68310
From：USA
Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM

Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/03/2013 3:32 PMCopy HTML

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m and was asked where he was going at that time of night. 

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." 

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" 

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/03/2013 7:36 PMCopy HTML

Rank：Ruby
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Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM

Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/05/2013 10:29 PMCopy HTML

What Is Butt Dust??

What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it!
These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!


**JACK (age 3)**
was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister... After a whilehe asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk? 

 
**STEVEN (age 3)**
hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you
die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.' 


**BRITTANY (age 4)**
had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the
 lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a
 child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder,
 the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?' 


**SUSAN (age 4)**
was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this
juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.. 

**DJ (age 4)**
stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
 
**CLINTON (age 5)** 
was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked
 what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this
bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?' 


**MARC (age 4)**
was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing
in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why
is he whispering in her mouth?'


** TAMMY** (age 4) 
was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
 wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
 asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?' 


**JAMES (age 4)** 
was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife
looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened
to the flea?' 

**Kids say the darndest things**
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget... And finally the answer to the question:
This particular Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with
arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.
'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that
moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and
asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom,
what is butt dust?'

Rank：Diamond
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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/06/2013 1:13 AMCopy HTML

LMBO, those are great, Foxy!  Kids say the darndest things!


An Italian tourist asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" 
To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat." 

Rank：Ruby
Score：68310
From：USA
Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM

Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/13/2013 12:14 AMCopy HTML

A Modern Romance...

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.  Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.  He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.  "Just relax."

Without warning he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily.  My breath caught in my throat.  I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care.  His touch was so experienced, so sure.  When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes.  My pulse was pounding.  I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.  And then, as he cupped his hands on me, I inhaled sharply.  Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, and slid them down my tingling spine.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant.  This is a real man, I thought.  A man used to taking charge.  A man not used to taking "no" for an answer.  A man who would tell me what he wanted.  A man who would look into my soul and say...

"Okay, ma'am, all done.  You can board your flight now."

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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/13/2013 1:45 AMCopy HTML

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Date Posted：05/13/2013 1:28 PMCopy HTML

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Date Posted：05/22/2013 12:44 AMCopy HTML

A School Trip To The Races 
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for
 a field trip to Wolverhampton Racecourse.
When it was time to take the children to the ‘bathroom’, it was decided
 that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the
 other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s toilet
 when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach
 the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their
 pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their
‘pinkies’ to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.
As she lifted one boy up, she couldn’t help but notice that he was
 unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring at his eeeermmmm… equipment,
 the teacher said,
‘You must be in Grade 3?
‘No ma’am’, he replied. ‘I’m riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I
 really appreciate your help.’
 

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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/22/2013 3:20 AMCopy HTML

Ha, nowadays that teacher would lose her job and go directly to jail under numerous child molestation charges.  The joke shows how times have changed.

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Reply to Niceguy2 (05/21/2013 10:20 PM)

Ha, nowadays that teacher would lose her job and go directly to jail under numerous child molestation charges.  The joke shows how times have changed.

Lighten up, Joe... it's just a joke.

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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/23/2013 5:15 AMCopy HTML

 I know.

Rank：Ruby
Score：68310
From：USA
Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM

Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/23/2013 7:04 PMCopy HTML

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. 
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 35+ years. 

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. 
Here's how it all went: 

My engaged friend: 
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. 
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. 

The mistress: 
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. 

Then I had to share my story: 
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said... 

"What's for dinner, Batman?"

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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/23/2013 7:11 PMCopy HTML

Well I wonder if dinner was good/

LOL

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Reply to QueenFoxy (05/23/2013 2:04 PM)

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. 
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 35+ years. 

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. 
Here's how it all went: 

My engaged friend: 
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. 
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. 

The mistress: 
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. 

Then I had to share my story: 
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said... 

"What's for dinner, Batman?"

Rank：Diamond
Score：329800
From：USA
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Re：Daily Laugh

Date Posted：05/24/2013 3:22 AMCopy HTML

I'd kick that dog over the field goal!   He looks like a football, LOL 

QueenFoxy
Rank：Ruby Score：68310 From：USA Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM	Date Posted：08/07/2012 10:53 PMCopy HTML Keeping in touch Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell phone as a gift, I’ve asked him to use it to call home if he’s out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up for him, I dozed off in front of the TV. Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and there had been no call. Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I demanded, “Where are you, and why haven’t you bothered to call?” “Dad,” he sleepily replied, “I’m upstairs in bed. I’ve been home for an hour.”
tamarafromTX	#176
Rank： Score：0 From：USA Register：10/30/2008 1:52 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：04/13/2013 3:02 AMCopy HTML
QueenFoxy	#177
Rank：Ruby Score：68310 From：USA Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：04/25/2013 6:03 PMCopy HTML Stud Rooster.... A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farm house and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Darn.....third gay rooster I bought this month."? Moral of this story?!? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, and treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!
Niceguy2	#178
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：04/26/2013 4:23 AMCopy HTML
QueenFoxy	#179
Rank：Ruby Score：68310 From：USA Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/02/2013 10:33 PMCopy HTML These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
QueenFoxy	#180
Rank：Ruby Score：68310 From：USA Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/02/2013 10:35 PMCopy HTML Blonde Men Go to the Lumberyard A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Niceguy2	#181
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/02/2013 11:31 PMCopy HTML
ravch641943	#182
Rank：Platinum Score：26275 From：USA Register：10/21/2008 1:38 PM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/03/2013 1:49 AMCopy HTML LOL I wonder if they bought any bricks.ha
QueenFoxy	#183
Rank：Ruby Score：68310 From：USA Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/03/2013 3:32 PMCopy HTML An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Niceguy2	#184
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/03/2013 7:36 PMCopy HTML
QueenFoxy	#185
Rank：Ruby Score：68310 From：USA Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/05/2013 10:29 PMCopy HTML What Is Butt Dust?? What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!! JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister... After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk? STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.' BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?' SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.. DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?' CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?' MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?' TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?' JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?' Kids say the darndest things The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget... And finally the answer to the question: This particular Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
Niceguy2	#186
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/06/2013 1:13 AMCopy HTML LMBO, those are great, Foxy! Kids say the darndest things! An Italian tourist asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
QueenFoxy	#187
Rank：Ruby Score：68310 From：USA Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/13/2013 12:14 AMCopy HTML A Modern Romance... He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax." Without warning he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped his hands on me, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, and slid them down my tingling spine. Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a real man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking "no" for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say... "Okay, ma'am, all done. You can board your flight now."
Niceguy2	#188
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/13/2013 1:45 AMCopy HTML
ravch641943	#189
Rank：Platinum Score：26275 From：USA Register：10/21/2008 1:38 PM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/13/2013 1:28 PMCopy HTML
tamarafromTX	#190
Rank： Score：0 From：USA Register：10/30/2008 1:52 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/22/2013 12:44 AMCopy HTML A School Trip To The Races Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Wolverhampton Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the ‘bathroom’, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their ‘pinkies’ to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry. As she lifted one boy up, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his eeeermmmm… equipment, the teacher said, ‘You must be in Grade 3? ‘No ma’am’, he replied. ‘I’m riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.’
Niceguy2	#191
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/22/2013 3:20 AMCopy HTML Ha, nowadays that teacher would lose her job and go directly to jail under numerous child molestation charges. The joke shows how times have changed.
ravch641943	#192
Rank：Platinum Score：26275 From：USA Register：10/21/2008 1:38 PM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/22/2013 4:00 AMCopy HTML
tamarafromTX	#193
Rank： Score：0 From：USA Register：10/30/2008 1:52 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/22/2013 10:57 PMCopy HTML Reply to Niceguy2 (05/21/2013 10:20 PM) Ha, nowadays that teacher would lose her job and go directly to jail under numerous child molestation charges. The joke shows how times have changed. Lighten up, Joe... it's just a joke.
Niceguy2	#194
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/23/2013 5:15 AMCopy HTML I know.
QueenFoxy	#195
Rank：Ruby Score：68310 From：USA Register：10/20/2008 1:04 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/23/2013 7:04 PMCopy HTML The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 35+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went: My engaged friend: The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said... "What's for dinner, Batman?"
ravch641943	#196
Rank：Platinum Score：26275 From：USA Register：10/21/2008 1:38 PM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/23/2013 7:11 PMCopy HTML Well I wonder if dinner was good/ LOL
Niceguy2	#197
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/23/2013 7:22 PMCopy HTML
tamarafromTX	#198
Rank： Score：0 From：USA Register：10/30/2008 1:52 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/23/2013 11:48 PMCopy HTML
tamarafromTX	#199
Rank： Score：0 From：USA Register：10/30/2008 1:52 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/23/2013 11:55 PMCopy HTML Reply to QueenFoxy (05/23/2013 2:04 PM) The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 35+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went: My engaged friend: The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said... "What's for dinner, Batman?"
Niceguy2	#200
Rank：Diamond Score：329800 From：USA Register：01/12/2009 5:00 AM	Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：05/24/2013 3:22 AMCopy HTML I'd kick that dog over the field goal! He looks like a football, LOL