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QueenFoxy
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Date Posted：08/07/2012 10:53 PM Keeping in touch Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell phone as a gift, I’ve asked him to use it to call home if he’s out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up for him, I dozed off in front of the TV. Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and there had been no call. Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I demanded, “Where are you, and why haven’t you bothered to call?” “Dad,” he sleepily replied, “I’m upstairs in bed. I’ve been home for an hour.” |
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QueenFoxy
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/07/2012 10:56 PM How are you feeling?
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?”. Farmer Joe said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…” The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.” Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. “Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her.’ “Then he said, ‘How are YOU feeling?’” |
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USMmom
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/08/2012 4:35 PM 
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ravch641943
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/08/2012 7:27 PM  |
Niceguy2
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/08/2012 7:54 PM  |
Jecakias
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/09/2012 2:49 PM  |
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QueenFoxy
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/26/2012 9:04 PM The First Kiss: |
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Niceguy2
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/27/2012 12:17 AM |
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Janner_Baker
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/27/2012 3:53 AM   |
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ravch641943
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/28/2012 12:46 AM |
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QueenFoxy
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/28/2012 4:13 PM Come on guys. You can post a laugh here too.
ags [Edit]: None WHEN I'M A LITTLE OLD LADY
When I'm a little old lady To repay all I've had I'll hide frogs in the pantry, Whenever they scold me, I'll run and I'll romp, I'll pester my children As long as they're busy Hide candy in closets, Dash off to the movies I'll plead for allowance I'll stuff up the plumbing When they correct me, I'll take all their pencils I'll spill glasses of milk Put toys on the table, What fun I shall have, |
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Niceguy2
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/28/2012 9:45 PM
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Niceguy2
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/28/2012 11:23 PM Sarah was preparing for her big date with Brad. Sarah's roommate, Telena, was excited for her and joined in Sarah's anxious anticipation.
Brad arrived, right on time, to pick up Sarah, and off they went. Later that night Sarah returned home and Telena immediately grilled her for details of the big date. "Where did he take you? What did you two do?" asked Telena. "You won't believe it!" exclaimed Sarah. "He took me horesback riding." "Wow!" said Telena. "How was it?" "It was kind of fun at first," explained Sarah, "until we ran out of quarters." |
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ravch641943
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/29/2012 9:18 PM LOL
He should have got a whole roll of quarters. |
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kinkajou
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/29/2012 10:08 PM
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Niceguy2
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/30/2012 4:07 AM The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said. "but I'm NOT that way!" "I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore. "Really," she said, softening. "How many models have there been?" "Four," he replied. "A jug, two apples and a vase." |
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ravch641943
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/30/2012 2:35 PM Ha not many models before that one.
Thinking about santa reminded me of this Little Johnny. ---------------------------------- A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!" |
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Niceguy2
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/30/2012 11:04 PM LOL
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Niceguy2
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/30/2012 11:56 PM For my job with a delivery company, I was getting phone directions to a customer's home.
The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center of town, go down two lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past one red hydrant and then take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second on the right and the number is on the mailbox." As I entered the information into my computer, I asked, "What color is your house?" The woman paused a second and said, "Hold on. I'll go check." |
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kinkajou
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/31/2012 9:54 PM Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation.
She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe." |
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kinkajou
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Re：Reply Topic Date Posted：08/31/2012 9:56 PM LOL - Joe what colour is your house?
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