|
| Title: Daily Laugh | |
| friendsoffortiesfive > General > General Discussion | Go to subcategory： |
| Author | Content |
|
QueenFoxy
|
|
|
Date Posted：08/07/2012 10:53 PMCopy HTML Keeping in touch Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell phone as a gift, I’ve asked him to use it to call home if he’s out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up for him, I dozed off in front of the TV. Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and there had been no call. Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I demanded, “Where are you, and why haven’t you bothered to call?” “Dad,” he sleepily replied, “I’m upstairs in bed. I’ve been home for an hour.” |
|
ravch641943
|
#151 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/27/2013 3:49 PMCopy HTML Styles asked his veterinarian for some free advice. "I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?"
The Vet replied, "The next time he walks normally, sell him." A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth?" One little girl spoke up and said, "According to my Daddy – terrible!" ------------------------------------------------ Matt and his bride were opening their wedding gifts. After unwrapping each package Lisa would exclaim enthusiastically, "We can really use these towels" or "We'll enjoy eating on these pretty dishes." Then she opened one very large box. It contained a vacuum cleaner. "Matt," Lisa said, "look what you got." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A little boy was in the 3rd grade. The teacher asked him, "If you put your hand in your left pocket and pull out a nickel and then put your other hand in your right pocket and pulled out another nickel, what would you have?" He thought for a minute and then said, "I would have someone else’s pants on." ---------------------------------------------------- Matthew, a student in my kindergarten class, needed constant prodding to get his work done. When I taught first grade the following year, Matthew was in my class again. His work habits had not improved, and I had to keep after him. One day he was especially far behind. "If you don't get that page done before recess," I told him, "you won't be able to go out and play." He started to write, then looked up and asked, "Do you teach second grade too?" -------------------------------------------------------------- An elderly woman went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" "Naturally," she answered, "I take a book." |
|
Janner_Baker
|
#152 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/27/2013 7:00 PMCopy HTML  |
Niceguy2
|
#153 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/27/2013 8:20 PMCopy HTML  |
|
tamarafromTX
|
#154 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/28/2013 3:48 AMCopy HTML  |
|
ravch641943
|
#155 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/28/2013 4:06 PMCopy HTML You might be a redneck if... You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture. None of your shirts cover your stomach. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading. You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland. You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month. Birds are attracted to your beard. The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute". Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. |
|
tamarafromTX
|
#156 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/28/2013 6:09 PMCopy HTML  |
|
Niceguy2
|
#157 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/29/2013 12:40 AMCopy HTML Over yonder... LOL |
|
ravch641943
|
#158 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：02/03/2013 9:30 PMCopy HTML SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Lovers help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own. ... Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed. SIMPLE TRUTH 2 When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats". But, none of them come and touch the man's @@@@@@ and say, "Good job". Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated. |
|
kinkajou
|
#159 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：02/03/2013 11:12 PMCopy HTML  Good Job Ralph. |
|
tamarafromTX
|
#160 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：02/04/2013 12:42 AMCopy HTML  |
|
Niceguy2
|
#161 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：02/04/2013 8:38 AMCopy HTML |
|
ravch641943
|
#162 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：02/04/2013 2:13 PMCopy HTML  A heartwarming poem: Uncle George and Auntie Mabel Fainted at the kitchen table This should serve sufficent warning Never do it in the morning. |
|
Niceguy2
|
#163 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：02/04/2013 9:22 PMCopy HTML At least if you're old...
LOL |
|
ravch641943
|
#164 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：02/06/2013 9:31 AMCopy HTML The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were: 10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper. 8. Viagra, like a rock! 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be. 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. 3. Viagra, Home of the whopper ! 2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life! And the unanimous number one slogan : 1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs . |
|
Niceguy2
|
#165 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：02/06/2013 9:26 PMCopy HTML |
|
QueenFoxy
|
#166 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：03/05/2013 7:18 PMCopy HTML
|
|
Niceguy2
|
#167 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：03/05/2013 7:48 PMCopy HTML |
Jecakias
|
#168 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：03/05/2013 9:40 PMCopy HTML  |
|
QueenFoxy
|
#169 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：03/30/2013 5:42 PMCopy HTML The Role Veggies Play
A traveling entertainer potato had an eye for everything. When he preformed though, his talents as a tubador really were apeeling. Now the potato had competition that played mean. The celery stalked him at every turn and no matter how hard the potato tried or whom he spoke with, he couldn't get to the root of the matter.
The celery finally left the potato alone after being lured into seduction by the husky voice of the corn. They became as close as two peas in a pod but the whole thing, while maybe being very vine, was full of beans. We think this way because the potato saw a nice pair of melons and when he asked if he could keep a few eyes on her, she said, "Oh honey dew". Meanwhile the cucumber was looking for a mate and thinking he found a good one who, upon the asking said "Lettuce", found himself in a real pickle. At first she was radishing but eventually he went bananas discovering she was a herb. While it may have been berry nice for while, eventually they all reached the last strawberry and went nuts as they turned red as tomatoes. This was just as well as it was time for the harvest anyway. |
|
tamarafromTX
|
#170 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：03/30/2013 7:43 PMCopy HTML |
|
Niceguy2
|
#171 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：03/30/2013 8:29 PMCopy HTML Good one, Foxy! |
|
QueenFoxy
|
#172 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：04/12/2013 3:09 PMCopy HTML 
|
|
ravch641943
|
#173 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：04/12/2013 5:15 PMCopy HTML LOL
I know the feeling even if i don't wear a leotard. |
|
tamarafromTX
|
#174 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：04/12/2013 9:39 PMCopy HTML |
|
Niceguy2
|
#175 |
|
Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：04/13/2013 1:37 AMCopy HTML She needs a bigger leotard, lol. |
