An Arkansas hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine
in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

He stopped a man on the street, saying to him "Here friend, take
a drink outta my jug."

The man protested, saying he never drank. The hillbilly leveled
his shotgun at the stranger and commanded "Drink!"

The stranger drank, shuddered, shook, shivered and coughed. "Gee!
that's awful stuff you've got there."

"Ain't it, though?" replied the hillbilly. "Now, you hold the gun
on me while I take a swig."

------------

"Doc, when I got up this morning, I put on a pair of white gloves
and started calling my wife Minnie. Then on the way to work I
couldn't help singing 'Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work I go', and
when I got there I started calling everyone Happy, Grumpy, Dopey
and so on.

What's the matter with me?"

"That's easy," replies the doctor. "You're having Disney spells."

-----------

Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.

Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable
too."

Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"

Three weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"

"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes
arrived yesterday!!"

-----------

>The way she looks in the morning!

She ran after the garbage man and said, "Am I too late for the garbage?"

He said, "No, jump in."

Anxious Firefly

A mother firefly was taking her children for a walk near dusk, and they came to a dark woods.

"All right, kids," she ordered, "line up, and whatever happens, don't shine your light. There are owls in the forest and they might fly down and eat you!"

The small fireflies did as they were told, with the youngest firefly at the end of the line. As they were moving carefully along, suddenly the mother saw a light far back.

"Stop!" she whispered.

"Who lit the light back there?"

"I did," admitted the youngster.

"You heard what I told you," scolded the mother.

"Why did you disobey?"

"Well," said the little one, "when you gotta glow, you gotta glow!"