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| Title: Daily Laugh | |
| friendsoffortiesfive > General > General Discussion | Go to subcategory： |
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QueenFoxy
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Date Posted：08/07/2012 10:53 PMCopy HTML Keeping in touch Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell phone as a gift, I’ve asked him to use it to call home if he’s out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up for him, I dozed off in front of the TV. Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and there had been no call. Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I demanded, “Where are you, and why haven’t you bothered to call?” “Dad,” he sleepily replied, “I’m upstairs in bed. I’ve been home for an hour.” |
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kinkajou
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#101 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/17/2012 9:45 PMCopy HTML Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God's will, they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied. The elders of the second church, deciding they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
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kinkajou
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#102 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/17/2012 10:01 PMCopy HTML
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kinkajou
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#103 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/17/2012 10:04 PMCopy HTML Heavy snow had buried her van in the driveway. Her husband dug around the wheels, rocked the van back and forth and finally pushed her free. She was on the road when she heard an odd noise. She got on her cell and called home.
"Thank God you answered," she said when he picked up. "There's this alarming sound coming from under the van. For a moment I thought I was dragging you down the highway." "And you didn't stop?" |
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ravch641943
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#104 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/17/2012 10:04 PMCopy HTML  |
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kinkajou
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#105 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/17/2012 10:19 PMCopy HTML Learning to use a voice-recognition computer program, I was excited about the prospect of finally being able to write more accurately than I type. First I read out loud to the computer for about an hour to train it to recognize my voice, then I opened a clean page and dictated a nursery rhyme to see the magic. The computer recorded: "Murray fed a little clam, its fleas was bright and slow."
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ravch641943
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#106 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/19/2012 5:44 PMCopy HTML   |
Niceguy2
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#107 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/19/2012 8:43 PMCopy HTML
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tamarafromTX
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#108 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/21/2012 4:03 AMCopy HTML
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Jecakias
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#109 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/21/2012 4:27 PMCopy HTML
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ravch641943
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#110 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/25/2012 1:30 AMCopy HTML |
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tamarafromTX
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#111 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/25/2012 2:42 AMCopy HTML
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kinkajou
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#112 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/25/2012 2:56 AMCopy HTML  OMG That is funny Ralph - now where did I put my glasses? |
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ravch641943
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#113 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/31/2012 2:57 AMCopy HTML
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kinkajou
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#114 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/31/2012 6:12 AMCopy HTML An old man walks into the barbershop for shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does." |
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tamarafromTX
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#115 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/31/2012 12:33 PMCopy HTML
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Janner_Baker
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#116 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/31/2012 1:56 PMCopy HTML  Wooden Ball..yeuck |
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Niceguy2
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#117 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/31/2012 7:59 PMCopy HTML Wooden Ball..yeuck |
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Niceguy2
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#118 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/31/2012 8:00 PMCopy HTML LOL, Ralph. "Get a long little doggie"
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ravch641943
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#119 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：12/31/2012 10:29 PMCopy HTML LOL
I believe i will shave at home. |
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kinkajou
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#120 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/01/2013 9:06 PMCopy HTML Ralph, you have that little wooden ball at home?
I think you're supposed to take it back. |
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ravch641943
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#121 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/12/2013 9:16 PMCopy HTML  |
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tamarafromTX
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#122 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/12/2013 9:29 PMCopy HTML  |
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Niceguy2
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#123 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/12/2013 11:44 PMCopy HTML |
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Jecakias
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#124 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/13/2013 4:33 AMCopy HTML |
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ravch641943
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#125 |
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Re：Daily Laugh Date Posted：01/14/2013 2:36 PMCopy HTML As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.
With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin." -------------------------------------------------------------------- I am a customer-service representative for a copier-repair company. One of our accounts is a nudist campground, and I was sent to fix their machine. When I arrived, I was greeted by a man wearing nothing but tennis shoes and a smile. "What seems to be the problem?" I asked. "The copier," he casually replied, "is streaking." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Judge: You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your fourth-story window. Defendant: I did it without thinking, your Honor. Judge: Thats no excuse! Don't you see how dangerous it might have been for anyone passing at the time? ----------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------ Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." ------------------------------------------------ I am a reservations clerk for a commercial airline. A woman phoned one of my co-workers to ask if a particular flight had departed. While my friend was checking the information, the office cleaning staff turned on a vacuum cleaner behind her. "Never mind," the woman said. "I just heard it take off," and she hung up. --------------------------- Desperate to know her future, a woman decided to go visit a psychic. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the tarot cards laid out before her, the psychic delivered the bad news... "There is no easy way to say this so I’ll be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle and then looked down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and decided to ask the question she desperately needed to know. She met the psychic's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I get away with it?" |
