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QueenFoxy
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Date Posted:08/07/2012 10:53 PMCopy HTML

Keeping in touch

Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell phone as a gift, I’ve asked him to use it to call home if he’s out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up for him, I dozed off in front of the TV. Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and there had been no call.

Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I demanded, “Where are you, and why haven’t you bothered to call?”

“Dad,” he sleepily replied, “I’m upstairs in bed. I’ve been home for an hour.”

QueenFoxy #1
  • Rank:Ruby
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/07/2012 10:56 PMCopy HTML

How are you feeling?

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?”.

Farmer Joe said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.”

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

“Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her.’

“Then he said, ‘How are YOU feeling?’”

USMmom #2
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  • Register:01/18/2009 4:06 AM

Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/08/2012 4:35 PMCopy HTML

ravch641943 #3
  • Rank:Platinum
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  • Register:10/21/2008 1:38 PM

Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/08/2012 7:27 PMCopy HTML

Niceguy2 #4
  • Rank:Diamond
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/08/2012 7:54 PMCopy HTML

smiley2
Jecakias #5
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  • Register:11/25/2008 10:36 PM

Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/09/2012 2:49 PMCopy HTML

 
QueenFoxy #6
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/26/2012 9:04 PMCopy HTML

The First Kiss:

One day a caveman and his girl were walking along the edge of a cliff when they accidently tripped and fell over the side. When they hit bottom their lips accidently touched in the first kiss. She said "Oooh that was good, let's do it again!"

So he took her all the back up to the top of the cliff.....

<!--custom_footer-->
Niceguy2 #7
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/27/2012 12:17 AMCopy HTML

smiley2
Janner_Baker #8
  • Rank:Gold
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  • Register:01/17/2009 8:56 PM

Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/27/2012 3:53 AMCopy HTML








ravch641943 #9
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/28/2012 12:46 AMCopy HTML

QueenFoxy #10
  • Rank:Ruby
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/28/2012 4:13 PMCopy HTML

Come on guys.  You can post a laugh here too. 

ags [Edit]: None
WHEN I'M A LITTLE OLD LADY

When I'm a little old lady
Then I'll live with my children
and bring them great joy.

To repay all I've had
from each girl and boy
I shall draw on the walls
and scuff up the floor;
Run in and out
without closing the door.

I'll hide frogs in the pantry,
socks under my bed.

Whenever they scold me,
I'll hang my head.

I'll run and I'll romp,
always fritter away
The time to be spent
doing chores every day.

I'll pester my children
when they are on the phone.

As long as they're busy
I won't leave them alone.

Hide candy in closets,
rocks in a drawer,
And never pick up my clothes
from the floor.

Dash off to the movies
and not wash a dish.

I'll plead for allowance
whenever I wish.

I'll stuff up the plumbing
and deluge the floor.
As soon as they've mopped it,
I'll flood it some more.

When they correct me,
I'll lie down and cry,
Kicking and screaming,
not a tear in my eye.

I'll take all their pencils
and flashlights, and then
When they buy new ones,
I'll take them again.

I'll spill glasses of milk
to complete every meal,
Eat my banana and
just drop the peel.

Put toys on the table,
spill jam on the floor,
I'll break lots of dishes
as though I were four.

What fun I shall have,
what joy it will be to
Live with my children....
the way they lived with me!


Niceguy2 #11
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/28/2012 9:45 PMCopy HTML

Niceguy2 #12
  • Rank:Diamond
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/28/2012 11:23 PMCopy HTML

Sarah was preparing for her big date with Brad. Sarah's roommate, Telena, was excited for her and joined in Sarah's anxious anticipation.

Brad arrived, right on time, to pick up Sarah, and off they went.

Later that night Sarah returned home and Telena immediately grilled her for details of the big date. "Where did he take you? What did you two do?" asked Telena.

"You won't believe it!" exclaimed Sarah. "He took me horesback riding."

"Wow!" said Telena. "How was it?"

"It was kind of fun at first," explained Sarah, "until we ran out of quarters."
ravch641943 #13
  • Rank:Platinum
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  • Register:10/21/2008 1:38 PM

Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/29/2012 9:18 PMCopy HTML

LOL


He should have got a whole roll of quarters.
kinkajou #14
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  • Register:12/01/2008 11:14 PM

Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/29/2012 10:08 PMCopy HTML

Niceguy2 #15
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/30/2012 4:07 AMCopy HTML

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.

She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said. "but I'm NOT that way!"

"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.

"Really," she said, softening. "How many models have there been?"

"Four," he replied. "A jug, two apples and a vase."
ravch641943 #16
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/30/2012 2:35 PMCopy HTML

Ha  not many models before that one.

Thinking about santa reminded me of this Little Johnny.


----------------------------------
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
Niceguy2 #17
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/30/2012 11:04 PMCopy HTML

LOL

Niceguy2 #18
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/30/2012 11:56 PMCopy HTML

For my job with a delivery company, I was getting phone directions to a customer's home.

The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center of town, go down two lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past one red hydrant and then take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second on the right and the number is on the mailbox."

As I entered the information into my computer, I asked, "What color is your house?"

The woman paused a second and said, "Hold on. I'll go check."
kinkajou #19
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/31/2012 9:54 PMCopy HTML

Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation.
She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one.
Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview.
Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else.
It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe."
kinkajou #20
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:08/31/2012 9:56 PMCopy HTML

LOL - Joe what colour is your house?
Niceguy2 #21
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:09/01/2012 4:25 AMCopy HTML

Ha.... my house is brick. smiley3
Niceguy2 #22
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:09/01/2012 4:26 AMCopy HTML

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Joe sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"

When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit. Now it's the box office."

kinkajou #23
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:09/01/2012 5:59 PMCopy HTML

Ah.... but what colour are the bricks?smiley3
ravch641943 #24
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Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:09/01/2012 8:02 PMCopy HTML

LOL


Box office huh?
ravch641943 #25
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  • From:USA
  • Register:10/21/2008 1:38 PM

Re:Daily Laugh

Date Posted:09/01/2012 8:07 PMCopy HTML

Prior to her trip to Texas , Buffy (a blonde New Yorker),
Confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State -  

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.
2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And..
3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy .

Upon returning, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

'Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite , it's ooooh so good. The taste is unbelievable!'

'And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes... Those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!'

They then asked, 'Well tell us , did you have sex with a real cowboy?'

'Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!'
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