Gory Rory McGraw:
Another cheesy story by Vork
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The five toughies punched him, knocked him down, kicked him in the ribs, and took his lunch money.

"Next time, just effin' hand it over, asshole!" said 'Butch' Butcher, sixteen-year-old psychopath, and leader of Butcher's Bandits, as the punks left to terrorize their next timid schoolyard victim.

Their current victim, meek little twelve-year-old Rory McGraw, lay in the dirty corner of the schoolyard trying to breathe. Winded, and with stars flashing before his tear-laden eyes, he groaned. No lunch again today, and Mom worked so hard to get enough to feed and shelter them both since Dad died.

"Crap, my ribs hurt, and my left eye is swollen," he mumbled. "I'm gonna fix those rotten bastards if it's the last thing I do."

Rory's Dad had told him about his ancestor, Gory Rory McGraw, whom he was named after. Old Gory Rory had led the clan into war with the Picts in ancient times, and had massacred hundreds of the scurvy invaders till he got an arrow in the eye, which sort of put an end to things for old Gory.

After school young Rory limped over to the library and used one of their computers to Google 'How to make and use a ouija board'. He avidly jotted notes on a scrap of paper from the waste basket with a pencil stub from his pocket.

Mom had asked about his black eye, and he had said he had walked into a lamp post. No sense bothering her with his problems after her hard day as a hired housemaid. He knew that she was feeling exhausted.

The fact that the male side of the McGraws was psychic was usually not revealed to all and sundry. After supper of macaroni and cheese, again, he took a cereal box, pencil, and scissors to his room, and checked his notes. He tried out his new 'weejee' board with a plastic bottle cap as a pointer and talked to Uncle Gory Rory's ghost. He spelled out his problem with Butcher's Bandits in detail, and the fact that Mom had to work so hard to make ends meet.

"Think aboot me when the chips is doon, Laddy, and Ah'll be there ta help yez! Er, yer'll find two feet 'a water pipe in next door's dustbin, Laddy. Scrounge it, mah boy, an' stick it in yer sock!" came the response on the board.

"Thanks, Unc! I think I'm gonna need you soon, like tomorrow about noon!" responded the kid.

"Ah'll be there, Laddy, an' it'll be like old times agin."

Rory signed off, went out to the neighbour's garbage can, and got the iron pipe. In his room he wiped it off with a wet paper towel and taped two plastic bottle caps to the cut ends so he wouldn't slice his own flesh when it was down his pant leg and anchored in his sock.
 
Later, he made a phone call to a certain notorious 'Sleazy Sid' from the kitchen phone while Mom was asleep. That night he slept very well indeed.

The next day about noon, Rory saw the Bandits headed his way. He walked stiff legged out of the school yard and into a cul-de-sac. A rusty van marked "Sid's Laundry" was parked there.

"Come back here, ya little prick, an' hand over yer lunch money, or we'll bust yer other leg," raged Butch.

They were almost on him when he turned and screamed in Butch's red face, "GORY RORY McGRAW!"

Butch stepped back as Rory whipped the pipe out of his right pantleg. Rory was invigorated with the clan blood of 'Old Gory' and smashed the pipe down on Butch's left shoulder, snapping the collar bone. Butch screamed too, and dropped to his knees. Rory kneed him in the nose, breaking it into a bloody pulp. Butch's head snapped back and Rory kicked him under the chin. Half inch of tongue and all his front teeth dribbled onto the ground, and he fainted.

Wanker Shier stood shocked, his oversized fists up in front of his face as Rory smashed his left kneecap. Wanker went down like a bag of horse turds, and Rory kicked him in the left ear for good luck.

'Hoser' Shier brandished a length of plastic hose filled with sand, and Hulio Valdez pulled an Italian dagger from a neck scabbard. Hulio's first slash opened a crimson line on Rory's cheek.

Cowardly Toadie Hoffman, group snitch and instigator just stood there pissing his pants as Rory screamed his battle cry again, and smashed Hulio's arm bones. The fancy dagger fell to the ground, and 'Hoser' leaped to retrieve it. A whack to the head with Rory's pipe caved it in and ended Hoser's interest in the dagger.

"Don't hit me with that pipe, please don't hit me with that pipe!" The pudgie Toadie cringed stepping backward as Rory advanced. "You needn't worry about that, Toadie, my boy," said Rory as he swung his right leg and booted the little shit right in the crotch. Toadie screamed and dropped to his knees puking. Rory twisted Hoffman's arms behind his back and secured them with a long, plastic tie wrap from his pocket as he writhed on the ground.

After securing the other bullies similarly, he scoffed Hulio's knife sheath and then called 'Sleazy Sid' from the van. Sleazy loaded the five into the vehicle and gave Rory ten thousand dollars. "Two grand apiece for five organ donors makes ten grand, right?" said Sid.

"Right, and a pleasure doing business with you, my man," said Rory.

Rory staunched the blood from his cheek with a kleenex and picked up the dagger. Screw school .. he went home and cleaned up. He stashed the pipe and dagger in his closet, and got out his 'weejee' board to thank Uncle Gory Rory.

Mom arrived home at six o'clock. "What in heaven's name happened to your face, son?" asked the distraught woman.

"I just changed my name, Mom. I'm Gory Rory from now on, and this is the gore. Here's a little something from Uncle to compensate you for all your hard work raising me," he said, handing her the envelope with the ten grand. "Take a few days off from work!"

From time to time other local bullies mysteriously disappeared, and Rory's college fund increased dramatically.

That's very good Dave!  Wow!  Good ole Gory Rory! You've quite the imagination!

Thanks, Joe:

Here's something a bit tamer.

The Adventures of Gorno Korp
Chapter-1:
 
There was a tiny cottage in the Village of Twonk, located in the magical Kingdom of Twoozle. In it lived a small Brownie by the name of Gorno. Gorno was a studious Brownie and all evening after work making wuggits at the Gnome Factory he read books. There were all kinds of books; books about math, books about science, books about magic, and lots of other things.
 
One thing that caught his eye was a 'like potion' spell in a tome of magic. Gorno had had his other eye on a Brownie lady, Yvette Redslipper, who was living alone in a cottage down the street next to the candy store. But, alas, she did not even notice poor Gorno, even when he tipped his pointy hat as he passed her on the street.
 
"How to get a damsel to fall madly in like with you!" was the titillating heading on the "Potion of Dalliance" spell. It was more like a recipe, but you had to say some strange words over it while dancing widdershins around it.
 
"Hmmm, I have a lot of this stuff, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, Thyme, Corn Syrup, and fermented Yapple Juice. The only thing I don't have is Snopfurgle Root," thought Gorno.
 
He went next door to Miss Hilda Matilda who was a herbalist, or maybe, it was whispered by the towns brownie ladies, maybe a sorceress. Anyway, Hilda Matilda was in the middle of a ritual dance around a bin-ful of herbs when Gorno walked into her house without knocking.
 
"Hocus flaming pocus," yelled Gorno "Hilda Matilda, why are you are dancing around with all your charms showing?"
 
"You are a rude Brownie, Gorno. You should have pretended you didn't see my charms," exclaimed Hilda. "And what gives you the right to barge into my home without knocking?"
 
Hilda did a shimmy right in Gorno's face which shook some magic powder off a couple of her charms. Gorno breathed in some of the powder, which made the poor Brownie feel very peculiar in parts of his anatomy. He was so overwhelmed that he momentarily forget about Yvette Redslipper.
 
"I bet she's putting a spell on me," thought Gorno. "I feel so strange, and I can't take my eyes off her magical thingamabobbers."
 
Hilda Matilda cavorted around Gorno and the herb bin, undulating her supple, young frame. "Fargle, gargle, plinkel, tink. Urgiss, durgiss, krinkle, crink," chanted Hilda Matilda. The herbs in the bin began to glow with the magical energy from the spell.
 
Gorno began to glow too, and at that moment fell madly in 'like' with Hilda Matilda's charms. A side effect of the spell, though, was that Gorno was unable to voluntarily move any part of his body.
 
"That'll teach you to barge in while I am busy, Gorno Korp," tittered Hilda Matilda, who was simultaneously performing amazing and magically revealing gyrations for the benefit of her captive.
 
Poor Gorno was by then going mad with passion, but he showed nary an outward sign.
 
Finally Hilda Matilda went to a cupboard and removed a box. She opened the box and extracted a long yokstrich feather. With this she began to tickle Gorno's nose. "We'll just have to relieve you of the effects that fascinating spell, Gorno," simpered Miss Hilda Matilda.
 
Gorno felt the pressure building up in his sinuses. He finally sneezed in a fearsome multiple sneeze that left him gasping on the floor, but much relieved and at last free from Hilda's spell.
 
Hilda Matilda had hidden her charms by then, and Gorno had immediately gotten over his lusty desires for them.
 
"I am sure you didn't come over here to sneeze all over the place, Gorno,' twittered Miss Hilda. "What did you want?"
 
Well, Hilda Matilda, I need some Snopfurgle Root for a "Spell of Dalliance" I wish to place on a certain Brownie lady.
 
"You mean, Yvette Redslipper," snickered Hilda. "Lots of luck, Gorno. Didn't you know she's a gnome-bian. A defect of birth made her partial only to Gnomes. Too bad for her because she is too pretty for any Gnome male to want. She keeps a statuette of a garden Gnome in her spare room. Who knows what goes on when she visits that room!"
 
"Hocus flaming pocus," mumbled Gorno, "I didn't know that." His dreams of a life with the pretty Miss Redslipper catering to his Brownie male needs began to evaporate at a rapid rate.
 
"Anyway, Gorno, here's an ounce of Snopfurgle Root. Maybe you can use it on some other prospective female. How about old Mrs. Fuddle! I bet she can use some attention since Mr. Fuddle ran off with the Cleaning Elf sisters. He loved the way they used to spit-shine his bald head, and couldn't get enough," Hilda Matilda laughed.
 
Gorno grimaced at the prospect of a life with old Mrs. Fuddle. "I don't blame old man Fuddle for running off," he thought. Mrs. Fuddle's cooking was atrocious, and there was always dust under the rug. Gorno had heard the whisperings of the towns brownie ladies while standing in line at the food mart checkout.
 
"That will be twelve centios, Gorno. I run a business, you know."
 
"Holy bog-doddlers, you sure know how to charge!" objected Gorno.
 
"Well then, give it back," responded Hilda Matilda
 
"No, I need it badly, so you have me over a barrel," replied Gorno.
 
He paid and turned to leave, and tripped over the herb bin. It tipped over and Gorno fell across it. Hilda Matilda laughed till the tears ran down her face. "Oh,Gorno, you clumsy oaf! Now I really do have you over a barrel!"
 
From this position Gorno could just see one of Hilda Matilda's hidden charms, and he was instantly mesmerized.
 
"Hocus flaming pocus, Hilda Matilda, I've fallen and I can't get up. I got a glimpse of one of your magic charms and now I am overcome with passions of 'like'."
 
"Fargle, gargle, plinkel, tink. Urgiss, durgiss, krinkle, crink," chanted Hilda Matilda.
 
Gorno shut up because he was unable to move his lips. Hilda Matilda got the yokstrich feather and proceeded to tickle Gorno all over with it, every place except his nose. She was having so much fun that she revealed all her charms again. Charm dust floated in the air as Hilda Matilda shimmied and shook for him. Poor Gorno was so overcome with passions of 'like' as he breathed in the charm dust that he fainted.
 
When he revived a couple of minutes later Hilda Matilda took pity on him and tickled his nose again. Another violent fit of sneezing broke the spell and left Gorno weak and helpless on the floor.
 
Hilda Matilda covered her charms again and helped Gorno to his feet. Gorno had overdosed on charm dust after two helpings so close together and he was electrified by Miss Hilda's touch on his hand. A silly grin came over his face as he bear hugged Hilda Matilda and gorbled her with a fiery passion.
 
"Gorno Korp, keep your distance, you naughty Brownie," gasped Miss Hilda. Gorno lurched forward and did it again, this time for a longer period.
 
"Oh, my goodness Gorno, let's try that again," said Hilda Matilda, throwing off the charm covers, and grabbing Gorno with both arms.
 
Gorno was in Brownie heaven. He and Hilda Matilda performed special, secret, magical rituals till midnight, and fell into a blissful sleep the next morning. They slept till noon.
 
Gorno said, "Hilda Matilda, I don't think I will be needing this Snopfurgle Root after all. May I please have my twelve centios back?"
 
"There will be a restocking charge of three fondles," sighed Hilda Matilda. Gorno was quite willing to give Hilda Matilda all the fondles in his possession, and started the repayment immediately.
 
By supper time Gorno was unable to look another charm in the face. The vivacious Miss Hilda got up and whipped up Gorno a revitalizing tonic. She used the aforementioned Snopfurgle Root, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, Thyme, Corn Syrup, and fermented Yapple Juice. She muttered some strange words over it while dancing widdershins around it.
 
Gorno's goose was cooked then, and he became Hilda Matilda's like-slave forever. He did not object to his fate. In fact they started a home company making 'Like-Potions' so that Gorno could stay home with Hilda Matilda all day. You guessed it ... they called it Gorno Corp.

I have 4 chapters, and this map might be interesting since several stories use it.

I also have 4 chapters in another series about a Brownie Boys Club

written for young teens,  with no innuendoes.

Gorno  was run as a group story in a now-defunct group, and I saved the results ... very long.

Also have a couple about Bobby Hobbs, Hob Goblin, using the same map (which needs an update now).

The same characters populate all the stories, but I used different heroes.

I never got around to mapping the village, which would probably change with each new story!

Fascinating!  Thanks for sharing that, Dave! 

Thanks, Joe.

Mikes trend of ultra-short tragedies should be a big hit with illiterate folks.

 CHAPTER-2:
 
 Winkie Waddle was a fat little brownie with very large ears, who lived in Twonk and ran the candle-making enterprise known as Winkie's Wax Works. He was very rich, since Twonk had no electricity, and people liked to stay up reading before going to bed. He sold candles by the carton.

He made special coloured candles to suit all tastes. He even got some essence of roses from Hilda Matilda, the herbalist and local sorceress, and mixed that into the red ones. Brownies who stayed up late entertaining their 'likers' bought those. They were a big hit since they were also a nice mood setter.

One day, Gorno Korp, Hilda Matilda's 'like' slave and business manager, came to see Winkie Waddle. "I'm here to see you, Waddle," said Gorno.

"I do a terrific waddle," said Winkie. "It's all the rage at the village dance hall, and I invented it. Watch me!" and he rolled his fat little buns all over the room.

'No, no, you plump little podnork, I don't want to see you rolling your chunky buns. I want to discuss a business proposition," said Gorno.

"Oh," said Winkie with a fat little smile on his fat little face. "Well, go ahead, I'm all ears," and he laughed like he was the wit-of-the-month.

Gorno said "Snokker me, Waddle, you win 'podnork-of-the-month' for that one." Gorno was also the village contest manager at Twonk Civic Centre, and was always on the lookout for half-wit comedians to serve with the aforementioned honour.

"Winkie Waddle, Gorno Corporation needs some special candles custom made.

We need ten thousand by the end of the month. We are shipping them across the Sea of Never to Elsewhere Island by Troll Ferry, after Hilda Matilda and I have added our potion to them," informed Gorno. "We have a deadline to meet. It means big centios for us all if we meet delivery. The Dorplix are having their tenyear public mating cycle at that time and our potion in the air as incense will make all go well for the population growth. You wouldn't want the Dorplix to go extinct, would you?"

"Santa forbid," responded Winkie, while mentally doing arithmetic. "Twenty days to the end of the month, into ten thousand equals five hundred candles a day. Mucous puke-ous, Gorno, that’s fifty an hour for a ten hour day. That's one a minute with a ten-second rest."

"My dear Waddle," said Gorno "My friend at Gnome Factory said they can automate the process. For a ten percent cut they will start bringing in the machinery this afternoon. That leaves thirty percent each for you, me, and Hilda Matilda."

"Burpy, flerpy, Gorno, have you got a contract or something to sign?" said Winkie.

Gorno produced an official looking document and they both put their names on it after reading it twice. Gorno blew on the end of the document, which made a sound like a kazoo, and the thing separated into two copies, one for each of them.

"Partners," they both said in unison, and shook hands.

The work-gnomes arrived with some strange machinery, and after talking with Winkie about the process, the leader shouted, "GEE WHIZ." An ear-splitting bang and a cloud of smoke later, and the Wiz's of Wiz Tower appeared, wands in hand. George and Genny Wiz arranged finances with the head Gnome, spoke to Winkie about the candle-making process, waved their wands over the machinery, and disappeared.

Winkie sent an Elf messenger to Pixie Hives to get large shipments of bees' wax, and to the Walnut Grove Elves for ten thousand wicks twisted from Haunted Wood tweedle-vine, and one hundred boxes big enough to hold one hundred candles each. He arranged with Gorno that he get to keep the machinery since he had to pay for the materials. Gorno said OK, as long as he also paid for the potion ingredients.

Hilda Matilda was cooking up barrels-full of 'Like Potion' and doing the charmdance around them. The business began to roll. There was even a funnel in the machinery to pour in the 'like-potion'. The hundred boxes were filled with enchanted candles by the end of the day, and Hilda Matilda did the widdershins dance around the whole lot.

The Troll Brothers came with a wagon and carted off the candles to the Troll Docks. Gorno paid them with two billy goats and the Trolls went away smiling and salivating.

They loaded the cargo onto the Troll Ferry, and next morning delivered the shipment to the Dorplix on Elsewhere Island. They brought back an envelope for Gorno, containing credit notes for one hundred thousand centios, and a nine thousand centio bonus for being early.

Winkie Waddle thought it was well worth an afternoon's work to earn thirty-three thousand centios, which he put in a sock and hid under the bed.

He had managed to make a few dozen extra 'like-potion' candles on the side, and burned them when young unmarried, local, brownie girls came to check out his new fortune with greed in their hearts. He always protected himself with a magic charm bought from Hilda Matilda before he lit any though.

As a result, he had twelve 'like-slaves' following him around moaning his name as he went to spend some of his money at the candy store. One was named Yvette. She thought that Winkie's big ears and fat cheeks made him look somewhat like a Gnome.

Being a nice guy at heart, he bought them all candy, and then went home for a twenty-four-handed body massage, which he really enjoyed.

He made all his normal candles with the new machinery from then on and worked only one day a month, while he rested from the continual attention of his ‘like-slaves’.

Just before the tragedy, Mike, a passenger on the bus, saw the loving couple up ahead.  He offered the bus driver a hundred dollars each if he would mow them down.  The bus driver said, all right!  He aimed the bus directly at the unaware couple, and then... BUMP-SPLAT!!!  Mike cheered!  The bus driver kept on going but asked Mike for his money.  Mike wouldn't pay, so the bus driver stopped and put him off. The End.

LOL, Dave, those are great!  Kind of reminds me of "The Lord of the Rings", what with all the brownies and gnomes.

Thanks, Joe.

Mikes trend of ultra-short tragedies should be a big hit with illiterate folks.

Thanks, Joe.

Mikes trend of ultra-short tragedies should be a big hit with illiterate folks.

I am just not a fan at all of fiction. So I wrote a fictional story that is entertaining to me. Don't get me wrong I watch a ton of movies and own over 500 or so DVD / Blu-Ray Movies. But, as I said I don't read fiction. I read historical or true stories. I also read nerdy things like the Python Crash course book. 

And... if you remember the first-grade readers always had stories about Dick and Jane. I figured bring back those characters from years gone by.

Just before the tragedy, Mike, a passenger on the bus, saw the loving couple up ahead.  He offered the bus driver a hundred dollars each if he would mow them down.  The bus driver said, all right!  He aimed the bus directly at the unaware couple, and then... BUMP-SPLAT!!!  Mike cheered!  The bus driver kept on going but asked Mike for his money.  Mike wouldn't pay, so the bus driver stopped and put him off. The End.

Joe,

You cannot modify my story. It is against the rules. 

But, I will add this tidbit, I wasn't thrown off the bus I was driving the bus! Dick and Jane should have looked both ways before crossing the street but they were so infatuated with each other they were oblivious to their surroundings.

Now if we started to post portions of books that are historical or true I would be all over that type of post. Of course, we would have to include proper citations either using APA citation format.

Mike, I didn't modify your story, I just gave a little more information, added to it.

And as for the fact you were driving the bus, YOU are the one changing the story.

And also, I understand you wanting to wipe out the loving couple, because as any psychiatrist will tell you, you were jealous because they were in love, something that you cannot feel.

Dave, it sounds like Gorno Korp is a money magnet.  Everything he does turns to money, lol.  Sort of like King Midas.  That's an excellent and very well-written story.  Thanks for sharing.

Mike, I didn't modify your story, I just gave a little more information, added to it.

And as for the fact you were driving the bus, YOU are the one changing the story.

And also, I understand you wanting to wipe out the loving couple, because as any psychiatrist will tell you, you were jealous because they were in love, something that you cannot feel.

Joe,

You cannot add to a story after The End. The editor and author rejected that premise since your added story line is blatantly false. 

I am deeply in love with my wife. I also love my children and my family with all my heart. And, how's this for love I send my wife, ever since we got married on a Tuesday almost 24 years ago a love ecard every Tuesday saying Happy XXXX Anniversary. Tomorrow, January 9th, will be 1,236 weeks we have been married. Additionally, we got married again in the church, Roman Catholic, in 2022 on a Thursday. I send her another love ecard saying Happy XXXX Church Anniversary. On January 11th it will be our 79th week Church Anniversary. I also, about three or four times a year, write a letter longhand to her telling her how much I love her. I mail those letters to her. 

I have love for my family and wife. As I said feelings for others not so much. Think about it Joe, if I die tomorrow it means literally nothing to you. Your life doesn't change. If you die tomorrow my life doesn't change. I would say darn, Joe died let's have a beer and a shot in his honor and I would move on. I am NEVER jealous of anybody ever since my life is wonderful.

Congratulations Mike.  Now, the question is...

What does your wife do for YOU? (Besides the obvious, of course.)

That's a wonderful, well-written story, Dave!

You should maybe publish some children's stories.

Congratulations Mike.  Now, the question is...

What does your wife do for YOU? (Besides the obvious, of course.)

Joe,

My wife is retired now. Since I have been working at my present job for a little over 13 years now, she has baked something that I bring in every week to work. My office only has 15 people in it our sister office in Carrollton Texas has about 100 people. So every Thursday or Friday (I am off every other Friday) I bring something in that she has baked. She is an excellent cook and baker. Her family used to own a catering business and a wedding hall. Getting back to my wife, her baked goods are so good that she has received marriage proposals from the guys in my office. (There are no females in my office.) Additionally, at least once a year but sometimes twice she makes a luncheon feast for everybody which normally includes, ribs, stuffed cabbages, potato salad, Asian coleslaw, cornbread, pasta salad, kicked up beans (the beans contain ground meat and brown sugar), some desserts, and I know I am forgetting other items. 

Additionally, she does all the laundry and makes me dinner every night. She did all of this while she was still working too. She retired in February of 2022. 

These are the things off the top of my head... oh and she cleans the house too.

Never mind the ribs, stuffed cabbages, etc., etc.  Can she make a good grilled cheese sandwich?